I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I enjoy the company of your penis
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
