it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
