just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
