I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
