so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
