Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
