I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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