im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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