Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
God gave him joint rollers for hands
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
