Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
