just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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