the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I came so hard my ears popped.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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