so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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