Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
