If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
