Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
