remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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