just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize