Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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