38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
All I want is dick and wine.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
