I wish i was in the wii world.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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