he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
