im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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