quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
