I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
