I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
