it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
