Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
