He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
