Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
