I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
