I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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