hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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