This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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