when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
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some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
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I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize