I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
