have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
