I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
