also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
