apparently the secret to your success is patron
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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