Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Randomize
