I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
