I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
