I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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