Christians are straight up FREAKS
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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