yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
