I think i peed on brittanys purse
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
