the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
