I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
