Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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