Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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