oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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