Who did Billy Mays play for?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
