Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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