we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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