We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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