This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
