why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
