I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
