They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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