I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
