It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
