We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
