just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
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when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
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I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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