I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
