I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
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you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?